I feel like opening this blog with a quote I heard recently that truly spoke to where my heart's been lately. It's taken from an online recording of a sermon so I had to take unscripted spoken word and try to translate it to written word in a way that makes sense (it's harder than you might imagine). I hope it is clear enough.
"I believe it's very easy, particularly for the intellectual types (he is speaking about people within the Church here), people that are animated by social issues, by philosophical and intellectual concerns to become distracted by issues such as the reform of Christian morality or the correction of society. I am a holistic person in my understanding of the gospel and I believe the gospel speaks to economics, to law, to art...and that there is a Christian worldview which shapes and informs those things...but what I'm saying is that when many people become "cause-centered" they lose Christ. They're so wrapped up in "causes", on spiritual and social reform, that they lose sight of the centrality and purpose of the true reformation that begins with the changed heart" -- Stuart McAllister
So, having just begun this new blog I find myself facing a roadblock.
I have been known by an elite few to, on more than one occasion, throw my hands up in the air and exclaim "That's it! I'm done with politics forever!" I said it in front of my mother this morning and the response was excrutiatingly predictable; "Yeah, I've heard that before. It usually lasts for about thirty minutes."
This mindset of complete resignation to just let the world be as it is and get over it has come to me in cycles for a long time now. The issues pile up on top of each other, the nightly news gets louder, the misinformation gets more and more beligerent and with it my heart hardens, the tendrils of bitterness begin to grip my soul, I harbor more and more contempt for the uninformed and my attitude towards the powers that be begins to border on absolute hatred until I can't take it anymore.
This is the moment when I look at myself most honestly and wonder, "Is it really worth all the anguish? Is my mind expanding or becoming dogmatic? Is this righteous anger or is it soul-crushing bitterness? And where is God in all this anyway?" And I'm realizing that wherever God is, I've lost him somewhere along the winding path of my own mind.
What may have begun as a very clear, moral conviction about a social or political issue seems to inevitably devolve into something else which is guided merely by my own flesh. To dredge up the issue of America's foreign policy once more; the issue seems to inevitably move from the original position of moral disgust and dismay at the waste of human life to merely a bitterness toward the faulty logic that led to it and the dumbed downed masses, surely incapable of any semblance of abstract reasoning, that have bought into the whole charade. This begins to drive a very deep wedge between me and the others around me and at its worse I begin to feel that everyone in my presence is a fool.
As a Christian, this is a very bad place to be.
And as much as I may speak of the importance of reason, this bitterness that overtakes me is based in anything but reason. Yes, I perpetually check my premises and make sure my conclusions make sense when it comes to specifics. When I was a teenager I was convinced I was a socialist but that was only until I started thinking rigorously and came to the one conclusion that drives my whole politcal worldview; that the only "equality" one man can ever morally guarantee another man is equality of freedom or opportunity because equality of circumstance can only occur in a society in which the efforts of nearly all men are shackled by the subjective, and often faulty, understanding of a few men as regards the "common good." That is a conclusion I have come to based on my own rigorous, internal examination of human nature. What is not reasonable, and out of proportion, is the emotional response this belief provokes in me.
I look out on a sea of people and sometimes my heart is full of utter contempt. I see people that love their shackles. I see people placing blind trust in institutions made up of madmen that wouldn't hesitate to throw them in concentration camps should they feel their own self-interest was served by it. I see people blinded by the establishment version of history, economic analysis and world events, all of it guided by empty sloganeering and half-baked ideas informed by an intellectual curiosity that has the depth of a Transformers film.
I can't state strongly enough how deeply my issues with authority run. Nothing invokes more indignation within me than the thought that anyone, anywhere would have the audacity to have an opinion about anything I choose to do at any time or place. Precisely from where this comes, I do not know. I must, however, concede that many of my espoused views branch out of an intrinsic hatred of authority and a deep desire to simply be left alone. Many of my resulting views may actually be quite accurate. In fact it is reasonable for me to suppose that if man is fallen, or if man has historically shown that he cannot be trusted with much power, that it is reasonable to be relatively skeptical about the truthfulness of any man bestowed with real power when he speaks of a genuine interest in what is good for the whole of society. However, the point from which I began to draw conclusions, my own contempt for authority, is based on subjective emotion and is not entirely reliable.
So, if a sizeable chunk of my political views are based in my own spiritual and psychological wounds and hang-ups related to authority it would be safe to assume that I might be in error in more than just a few areas.
It would also be safe to say that to continue on a path in which I allow my own bitter resentment of unreason and authority steal from me the ability to honestly assess reality in any given situation would be to commit spiritual suicide for, in not recognizing the bitterness for what it is, I embrace it in the mistaken belief that it is leading me toward truth when the fact is that, should I arrive at truth, it was merely luck and not reason. And in embracing that bitterness, my heart hardens. And with that hard heart God can do very little.
So, this is why I wish people would take me more seriously when I speak of giving up on politics. Perhaps it shouldn't be that I completely throw the topic out the window but I want people to understand that when I speak of giving up on politics, though my tone may seem light, it's not an issue I approach light-heartedly.
If my heart is fashioned in such a way that politics always inevitably drives a wedge between me and God may my politics be cast into into a fire and blown away as ash in the wind.
So, where do we go from here? Just keep reading....
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Into the Labyrinth
Hello everyone. I'm not sure how to begin this thing. I know what this first blog is going to be about but I'm just not sure how to formulate these first few sentences in a way that opens things up easily. The very first part of a writing project are always my clumsiest so let's just jump right in.
I want to use this as a template to formulate and express my inner thoughts as regards God, politics and my relationship to both. I actually haven't ever done such a thing in a very intentional fashion before. People know that I'm a Christian and most people know that I'm very opinionated about politics and have a few controversial ideas. Hang around me long enough and you will be exposed to one of my random bursts of pontification; a few moments where I take a soap-box, make a spectacle of myself and retreat back into my shell. This is enough to tip people off that there is genuine activity beneath my typically calm exterior but not quite enough to indicate what the full-scale philosophy is that gives shape to my thoughts. In fact, some people may be surprised to find that there actually is a specific, definitive philosophy guiding the things I say.
Granted, I cannot truthfully claim that I am certain I have no contradictory beliefs, that it all can be summed up in some flawless system entitled "Brianism." What I mean is that you will really never hear me pull some idea straight out of my ass. Most of the views I espouse I am able to trace back to the thoughts of someone other than myself such as a writer, minister or philosopher. Anything else I say is the end result of an at least moderately rigorous line of independent reasoning. This may leave me behaving, on occasion, in a way that others view negatively. Because I have, in a sense, worked hard to arrive at the most truthful conclusions as I see them, I have little patience with people who seem to dismiss my views offhandedly without sound reasoning. People often employ cliche' when they don't have the ability to give their point of view much backbone. My girlfriend can attest to how much I detest this.
For instance, if I'm speaking out against the war in Iraq someone may respond with the old canard "You should be quiet because they're fighting for your very freedom to crticize what they're doing!" Such phrases make me want to explode. Intellegent people wouldn't say things like that because they would realize how awfully circular an argument it is.
Of course, humility is something I strive for and I know that I should probably try to handle such situations with love. What can I say? I'm working on it.
And that is a great segue to introduce the topic of my Christianity. I'm saddened when it seems people know more about my crazy politics than they do of my faith. My faith is in actuality a much larger part of who I am than my politics. In fact, my politics are not only intricately interwoven with my Christianity but I also desire to subordinate my politics to my Christianity. In other words, I live in a constant fear of allowing my priorities to become skewed. The worst thing that could possibly happen is that my political views become a stumbling block in another person's walk with the Lord.
Now, I won't be going in depth as regards my politics or my Christianity in this first entry but I will show you what I mean when I say that my politics are intricately interwoven with my Christianity.
The first serious political point of view I ever independently developed was a direct result of my faith, though it wasn't a "religious" political topic in the popular sense. In fact, it had to do with a topic that people don't talk about enough; the danger of blind nationalism.
When I was 12, I had what I consider my conversion experience. I didn't go looking for it and it fell on me, almost forcefully, like a ton of bricks. I didn't fully recognize what it was at the time but it was and is obvious that immeadiately afterwards something signifcant shifted in my spirit. I intend to go into detail about that in a later entry.
Naturally, as my teenage years progressed my mind became sharper and more questioning which was certainly a part of what lead me to my first political opinion but the signifigance of the topic may not have hit me so hard at the time if it weren't for the voice of the spirit I had carried with me since my experience as a 12 year old.
I don't remember precisely when it first occurred but at some point I began to ask myself why I should cover my heart during a performance of The Star-Spangled Banner or the daily recital of the Pledge of Allegiance. I wondered if people did the same thing in other countries and, moreover, I wondered why I should pledge my allegiance to anything other than God. I wasn't yet transposing the term "idolatry" onto the action but did, in a very substantive way, sense that something wasn't right about it. I began to feel that the pledging of allegiance to a flag or a country was somehow an affront to God, that it would undermine or cheapen my faith.
The thing is, I just didn't see what was so great about America and I certainly didn't understand why anyone believed America held a special role in God's heart. This wasn't based on any strong conviction about America's actions, for I was horribly ignorant about such things back then, I just felt that America was a country like any other and it was just silly to run around pretending to be so exceptional. I have since come to see that the founding of this nation was based on some very noble principles but I still hold firm to my conviction that we, as a people, are the same in God's eyes as the people of Spain, Russia, Iran, Zimbabwe etc. etc.
God does not value one nation over another and to pretend otherwise is to shrink him from the creator of the whole fucking universe to some pea-sized member of some ill-conceived assembly of stuffy legislators.
Now, please forgive me for quoting a song here. When I was that age I was highly influenced by the music I listened to so it played a crucial part of my development. I thought I was odd for the thoughts I was having because I wasn't yet aware of the history of great thinkers speaking out against the evils of nationalism until I came across a song when I was 16 that legitimated precisely what I was thinking by practically singing my thoughts back to me.
Plenty will laugh at this selection...well, let them laugh.
From "Anthem" by Five Iron Frenzy
I can't see red, white and blue waving in the air
I don't hear the bombs bursting and I don't even care
Sorry for my lack of faith
I'm not the greatest patriot
If this is all there is to freedom I don't want it
I can't fall anymore for some silver-tongued song
Your freedom isn't free
So let me say what freedom means to me
The song later went on to claim that Jesus was the only true source of freedom in life and that helped me to see that maybe I wasn't just an oddball after all. Perhaps others felt the same way; that exalting a nation the way we do in America is, in some way, displeasing to God. From that point on I decided to never put my hand on my heart again during the recitation of the Pledge or the national anthem. However, I should note that that's a personal conviction. It's the kind of thing that I won't do but I won't think any less of anyone who does.
All the political views I have since developed are all branches, twigs and leaves that have grown out of the trunk of that initial revelation. So, as I hope I have coherently shown, all my political views are rooted in one particular view that exists because of my Christianity. Therefore; there is inseperable interplay between the two subjects within me.
And so now begins the journey through the interwoven strands of both my Christianity and my politics in my incurably inquisitive mind.
I want to use this as a template to formulate and express my inner thoughts as regards God, politics and my relationship to both. I actually haven't ever done such a thing in a very intentional fashion before. People know that I'm a Christian and most people know that I'm very opinionated about politics and have a few controversial ideas. Hang around me long enough and you will be exposed to one of my random bursts of pontification; a few moments where I take a soap-box, make a spectacle of myself and retreat back into my shell. This is enough to tip people off that there is genuine activity beneath my typically calm exterior but not quite enough to indicate what the full-scale philosophy is that gives shape to my thoughts. In fact, some people may be surprised to find that there actually is a specific, definitive philosophy guiding the things I say.
Granted, I cannot truthfully claim that I am certain I have no contradictory beliefs, that it all can be summed up in some flawless system entitled "Brianism." What I mean is that you will really never hear me pull some idea straight out of my ass. Most of the views I espouse I am able to trace back to the thoughts of someone other than myself such as a writer, minister or philosopher. Anything else I say is the end result of an at least moderately rigorous line of independent reasoning. This may leave me behaving, on occasion, in a way that others view negatively. Because I have, in a sense, worked hard to arrive at the most truthful conclusions as I see them, I have little patience with people who seem to dismiss my views offhandedly without sound reasoning. People often employ cliche' when they don't have the ability to give their point of view much backbone. My girlfriend can attest to how much I detest this.
For instance, if I'm speaking out against the war in Iraq someone may respond with the old canard "You should be quiet because they're fighting for your very freedom to crticize what they're doing!" Such phrases make me want to explode. Intellegent people wouldn't say things like that because they would realize how awfully circular an argument it is.
Of course, humility is something I strive for and I know that I should probably try to handle such situations with love. What can I say? I'm working on it.
And that is a great segue to introduce the topic of my Christianity. I'm saddened when it seems people know more about my crazy politics than they do of my faith. My faith is in actuality a much larger part of who I am than my politics. In fact, my politics are not only intricately interwoven with my Christianity but I also desire to subordinate my politics to my Christianity. In other words, I live in a constant fear of allowing my priorities to become skewed. The worst thing that could possibly happen is that my political views become a stumbling block in another person's walk with the Lord.
Now, I won't be going in depth as regards my politics or my Christianity in this first entry but I will show you what I mean when I say that my politics are intricately interwoven with my Christianity.
The first serious political point of view I ever independently developed was a direct result of my faith, though it wasn't a "religious" political topic in the popular sense. In fact, it had to do with a topic that people don't talk about enough; the danger of blind nationalism.
When I was 12, I had what I consider my conversion experience. I didn't go looking for it and it fell on me, almost forcefully, like a ton of bricks. I didn't fully recognize what it was at the time but it was and is obvious that immeadiately afterwards something signifcant shifted in my spirit. I intend to go into detail about that in a later entry.
Naturally, as my teenage years progressed my mind became sharper and more questioning which was certainly a part of what lead me to my first political opinion but the signifigance of the topic may not have hit me so hard at the time if it weren't for the voice of the spirit I had carried with me since my experience as a 12 year old.
I don't remember precisely when it first occurred but at some point I began to ask myself why I should cover my heart during a performance of The Star-Spangled Banner or the daily recital of the Pledge of Allegiance. I wondered if people did the same thing in other countries and, moreover, I wondered why I should pledge my allegiance to anything other than God. I wasn't yet transposing the term "idolatry" onto the action but did, in a very substantive way, sense that something wasn't right about it. I began to feel that the pledging of allegiance to a flag or a country was somehow an affront to God, that it would undermine or cheapen my faith.
The thing is, I just didn't see what was so great about America and I certainly didn't understand why anyone believed America held a special role in God's heart. This wasn't based on any strong conviction about America's actions, for I was horribly ignorant about such things back then, I just felt that America was a country like any other and it was just silly to run around pretending to be so exceptional. I have since come to see that the founding of this nation was based on some very noble principles but I still hold firm to my conviction that we, as a people, are the same in God's eyes as the people of Spain, Russia, Iran, Zimbabwe etc. etc.
God does not value one nation over another and to pretend otherwise is to shrink him from the creator of the whole fucking universe to some pea-sized member of some ill-conceived assembly of stuffy legislators.
Now, please forgive me for quoting a song here. When I was that age I was highly influenced by the music I listened to so it played a crucial part of my development. I thought I was odd for the thoughts I was having because I wasn't yet aware of the history of great thinkers speaking out against the evils of nationalism until I came across a song when I was 16 that legitimated precisely what I was thinking by practically singing my thoughts back to me.
Plenty will laugh at this selection...well, let them laugh.
From "Anthem" by Five Iron Frenzy
I can't see red, white and blue waving in the air
I don't hear the bombs bursting and I don't even care
Sorry for my lack of faith
I'm not the greatest patriot
If this is all there is to freedom I don't want it
I can't fall anymore for some silver-tongued song
Your freedom isn't free
So let me say what freedom means to me
The song later went on to claim that Jesus was the only true source of freedom in life and that helped me to see that maybe I wasn't just an oddball after all. Perhaps others felt the same way; that exalting a nation the way we do in America is, in some way, displeasing to God. From that point on I decided to never put my hand on my heart again during the recitation of the Pledge or the national anthem. However, I should note that that's a personal conviction. It's the kind of thing that I won't do but I won't think any less of anyone who does.
All the political views I have since developed are all branches, twigs and leaves that have grown out of the trunk of that initial revelation. So, as I hope I have coherently shown, all my political views are rooted in one particular view that exists because of my Christianity. Therefore; there is inseperable interplay between the two subjects within me.
And so now begins the journey through the interwoven strands of both my Christianity and my politics in my incurably inquisitive mind.
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